This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
