remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
