Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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