I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So squirting runs in the family.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
