Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
