Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
