Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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