If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
