I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
