Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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