do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
