i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
