he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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