there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
