My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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