He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
