Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize