I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
