i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
