So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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