I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
