I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
