One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
