Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
