um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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