The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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