Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
