A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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