the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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