It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
