The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
