there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
