How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
