i don't like sucking hair
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
