My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
