paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I cockslap morals
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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