I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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