Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
