So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
