You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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