man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize