My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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