I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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