If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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