Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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