we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
