If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
