Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
