I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
