I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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