Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
being pregnant is like rehab
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize