ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
