i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
