no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize