somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
