there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
