Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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