Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize