I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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