Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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