Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
