i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
