Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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