yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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