Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
